


Half My Heart

by knavessofhearts



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-05-28
Updated: 2015-05-28
Packaged: 2018-04-01 16:28:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4026868
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/knavessofhearts/pseuds/knavessofhearts
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She held herself together with tape and glue after she thought he died the first time, and now losing Neal again has made Emma’s pain unbearable. She was part of a world where anything was possible if you just believed, and so she needed to find a way to believe she could bring him back. When she does, it may cause her to risk everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

She wasn’t ready to let go, to unwrap her arms from around him. Letting him go meant that he would really be gone, when only this morning he had been smiling and laughing like the last 12 years had never happened. He had a way, hidden in his goofy smile, to make her forget everything that made her want to run away and instead run toward him. Emma had seen it as a sign, that despite everything they went through, all the pain and the anger, there was a chance things could one day return to the way they were. Emma didn’t need to be with him, she just needed the opportunity to know one day they could find their way back to each other. Emma needed her son to have a father; she needed her best friend and partner in crime. She just needed him to live.

So much of her life, so many people she had cared about had been taken from her. And now Neal had become another ghost of a life she never got to have that haunted her. It wasn’t fair, any of it. Neal didn’t deserve this to have happened to him. 

He was a hero, and Emma knew sometimes this was what being the hero meant- sacrificing everything to save others. He shouldn’t have had to sacrifice his life; he never got the chance to even see Henry again. Or talk about what they were to each other now. Emma had always known, deep in her heart she would always love him, but what did that mean? And had he felt the same, the strange mix of confusion, fear and joy whenever she saw him?

Now she had lost the one thing she needed, time. Time to understand what her feelings meant, and understand where she wanted them to go. All the time they were supposed to have was taken from them, like the ground beneath Emma’s feet had been ripped out. It wasn’t supposed to happen like this. Fate, destiny, whatever you want to call it, this couldn’t be Neal’s fate...she couldn’t accept that. 

Emma had held herself together with tape and glue after she thought he died the first time, and now losing Neal again has made her pain unbearable. All the pain and loss came bubbling back up to the surface, now mixed with anger and vengeance that made her hands shake and her vision blur. This was not going to be Neal’s fate. She refused to let go, because once she let go, she wouldn’t be able to stop herself from crying or killing the person responsible for taking Neal’s life.  
Emma was a part of a world where anything was possible if you just believed; and so she needed to find a way to believe that she could bring him back. 

 

David had told her everything that had happened while she and Mary-Margaret had been in the Enchanted Forest, including a man named Daniel. Daniel had been the man Regina was supposed to have married if it hadn’t been for Snow, and Cora’s meddling. David said that Regina had used a powerful spell to preserve his body until she found a way to bring him back, leading her to Dr Frankenstein/Whale’s expertise that proved futile.  
Emma had no intention of calling on the supposed-expertise of Whale, and Emma’s magic wasn’t anywhere near strong enough for a spell...so she called Regina to meet her in the forest.

Emma’s resolve and determination could not be trifled with; even going up against the Evil Queen as she insisted Regina put the same preservation spell on Neal. Regina had agreed reluctantly, but warned her that she had been down this road before, and it had ended in heartbreak worse than the person you love dying before your eyes. Emma didn’t care, she owed to Neal, and to Henry, to at least try and find a way to bring him back.  
A week later and her efforts had proved fruitless. She had poured every ounce of her being into researching with Belle at the library into finding ways that could undo what had been done. 

Aside from Gold, who was still being held captive by Zelena, Belle was the only one who really understood what her loss meant. Henry mourned the idea of a father he never knew, or didn’t remember that he knew. Mary-Margaret and David had been nothing but supportive, but they’d never lost each other, lost a part of themselves. 

Belle had loved Neal before she even knew him. Neal had been her friend and had left a permanent mark in her life just like Emma’s. They didn’t speak much as they researched together, aside from trading parchments or ancient texts. Emma couldn’t say the words out loud, and instead each day she returned to the library she buried her pain down deeper. Belle seemed to understand, and never pried and Emma was grateful to her. Just the company of someone who understood her was enough to ease the ebbing waves of grief for now. 

Whale had been kind enough to offer a private room in the hospital where they could keep Neal. No one else knew about the room or Neal other than Whale, Belle, Mary-Margaret and David. They’d all promised not to tell Henry. Henry was better off not knowing what was going on until they could get his memories back, Emma didn’t want to give him false hope.

She had helped Belle set up the room for him, with extra blankets, some comforts from Neal’s room at Granny’s, some flowers to disguise the hospital smell. Emma didn’t really see the point in it all, until one night she came home after pouring over books until her eyes hurt, she dug through one of the boxes she had brought back from New York. The next day she returned to Neal’s room and hung the yellow dream catcher on the window by his bed.

Suddenly Emma looked down at him and could almost convince herself he was just asleep, or in a coma, either alternative much more appealing than the truth. She spent the morning sitting by his bedside, and worked up the courage to finally take Neal’s motionless hand. It wasn’t warm, but not cold to the touch, it just felt like his hand. She moved on from his hand and started to push back the soft curls in his short and scruffy hair, almost expecting him to jerk back and complain that he wasn’t a puppy and didn’t like being patted. Emma smiled at the memory of when she used to tease him about his hair, but another part of her mind brought her back to the present, and reality. 

Neal was dead, and what Emma was doing was just prolonging it. There wasn’t a way to bring him back, and if she did- at what cost would it be? Emma had to ask herself if this was what Neal would have wanted, or just her trying to protect herself from accepting that he was gone. She didn’t want to let him go, she needed him to come back, but Emma also realised that she was losing hope. She no longer believed that she could save him; she was powerless to do anything. What good was being the saviour if she couldn’t save the life of the one person she had loved?

She stopped visiting him in the hospital, and resolved on asking Regina to lift the spell. Neal wasn’t coming back, and she needed to face it. She couldn’t keep living in the past, pining for the life she was robbed of, Neal wouldn’t have wanted her to do that to herself. Emma was the saviour. Even though she couldn’t save him, she could save others. She could still avenge him and bring Zelena to justice. 

It was a week later, after the week from hell Emma had started describing it. Henry had been in danger, then his memories returned, Zelena had almost succeeded in taking her new little brother, and one bad trip down a time portal and almost imploding the entire future later, Emma remembered. 

The answer had been right in front of her the entire time. Her parents. David and Mary-Margaret had been the ones who brought them to Storybrooke and enacted the curse the second time, including the what had to be sacrificed in order to cast it. Emma had wanted to stay to hear her parents announce the name of her baby brother, but she knew it was also provide the best cover for her to disappear unnoticed.

Emma made her way to the hospital silently and quickly. David and Mary-Margaret had given her the key in what she needed to do, how she could save Neal. It was the same way Emma had been keeping him alive all this time, her heart.


	2. Chapter 2

Emma had accounted for everything as she determinedly marched her way to the hospital. Henry was enjoying the festivities at Granny’s, reading the story book to his new uncle, her parents enjoying a rare quiet moment in Storybrooke- everyone had been there celebrating with them. She switched off her cell and was careful to avoid being seen, the yellow bug was still parked outside of Grannys. She knew her parents would be wondering where she was, but Emma couldn’t risk them finding out what she was about to do or try to stop her. 

Emma had accounted for everything, except for Belle to be sitting by Neal’s bedside reading him a story. She tried to stumble out of the doorway before Belle took notice, but it was too late by the time Emma’s feet responded to her brain’s commands.

“Emma? Wh-what are you doing here?” Emma turned back around to face Belle, who now placed the book gently on the bedside table and stood to look at Emma.

“I was uh...I didn’t think anyone would be here...” Emma mumbled. 

She had checked in on Neal as soon as she had come through the portal, realising the last she had done was ask Regina to lift the spell on Neal. When she had arrived out of breath to his room only an hour before, Belle and Gold had been in here, Belle’s eyes stinging slightly as she saw Gold reach for his son’s hand. She let herself feel relieved that Regina had not acted on her words, before she ran to Granny’s. Seeing Gold with Neal made her realise how much she missed them even more. 

“What’s going on?” Belle eventually asked, and Emma realised if anyone in this town could understand what Emma was planning to do, it was Belle. Emma closed the door behind her firmly before she spoke up. 

“I know how to save Neal.” Emma confessed, and immediately Belle’s face lit up with relief. 

“Really?! How?” Emma took a few steps forward to stand at the end of Neal’s bed. One look at him and she was beginning to doubt her plan. How could this even work....

“Mary-Margret and David were the ones who cast the curse to get you all here.” Emma explained. “Not Zelena.” 

Belle frowned as she processed the information, before realisation spread across her mind and she froze in place.

“But to cast it...you have to use the heart of the thing you love most.” Belle recalled, and Emma nodded in agreement.

“They did, Mary-Margaret used David’s heart.” Emma said slowly. Belle sunk back into her seat and Emma pulled the other chair to sit across from her, Neal by their side. 

“But that means...he died! How is he still here?” 

“Because....Mary-Margaret split her heart in half, so that he could live and they would share her heart.” 

Belle went silent as she took in the information and looked over at the motionless Neal, and Emma saw her eyes start to fill with tears.

“You want to do the same...to split your heart and bring him back.” Emma walked to the other side of Neal, to stand next to the dreamcatcher, Belle’s shocked eyes following her.

“I know it sounds crazy, and impossible and all of the above- but it worked! David and Mary-Margaret are both still alive!” Emma conjectured.

“But Emma....they did it moments after. Neal’s been dea....he’s been like this for weeks.” Belle said carefully.

“I know- I know.” She paced back and forth, all the while her gaze not leaving Neal. She knew in her head, this was the only way to save him. But what was the cost?

“I know it’s a bad idea, but it’s the only idea we have!” Emma pleaded to no one in particular, she knew the reason why it couldn’t work, but she was afraid to admit it. 

“Mary-Margaret and David are true love....” Emma recognised, and suddenly she couldn’t look at Neal any longer, turning away and staring at the door. 

“And you think that’s the only reason it worked?” Belle asked from behind her. “But Emma what if you and Neal-“

“But that’s just it! What if. How do I know we are? What if we aren’t true love and it won’t work, and then Henry will have lost both his parents, because I was stupid enough to think I could bring Neal back.” Emma felt her cheeks sting with hot tears, and hastily tried to cover them up, but Belle only smiled sadly at her and placed her small hands firmly on Emma’s shoulders.

“But what if you two are? Why else did your necklace survive through all this? It should have been destroyed but despite everything...it’s still here.” Belle said and Emma’s hand gravitated back to the chain around her neck, where she had returned the necklace to wear it had laid next to her heart for ten years shortly after they preserved Neal’s body.

Emma tried to steady her shakes, but for every ounce of energy she willed herself to stop the shaking increased. This wasn’t just a metaphorical leap of faith, Emma was literally considering putting her heart on the line. For Neal. The only person she had truly put herself on the line for, shown who she really was. That had ended in disaster the first time, but could Emma change fate?

“You’re not going to try and talk me out of this?” Emma questioned with doubt, perhaps she was looking for someone to stop her. For a reason to keep her heart guarded like she always had. 

This was her chance to be the hero, like Neal had been, and be willing to sacrifice everything. She was still looking for a way out, her instincts screaming to stick with her familiar path of running away and protecting herself. This wasn’t just about saving Neal’s life, it would force Emma to actually recognise her feelings, and acknowledge who she loved. 

“Emma...”Belle started. “This could be really dangerous, it might not even work and then...like you said, Henry could lose two parents.”

“You know more than anyone, Belle. How important it is to bring him back. I can’t face the pain of losing him again.” Emma admitted in a broken sob. “That’s why I need your help.” 

Belle only nodded in understanding and agreement, before she walked to stand directly in front of Emma again. She waited as Emma steadied her breathing, and for Emma to say she was ready. 

It hadn’t hurt as much as the last time someone had their hand around her heart, which could have been because Cora couldn’t rip it out since Emma’s heart was protected by the strength of love. Now, it met no resistance as Emma willingly gave it up for the chance to love. It was a strange sensation, Emma couldn’t quite figure out how to describe the invisible hole in her chest, or seeing her glowing heart in Belle’s nervous hands. 

“Are you sure, Emma?” Belle asked again, and again Emma nodded vehemently. She had to do this, she had to believe or it wouldn’t work. She did believe it; Emma knew it with every fibre of her being. Emma had to take a leap of faith. 

Belle wrapped her hands around the heart delicately, but Emma still winced in anticipation. Carefully, and firmly, she twisted the two sides and Emma tried her hardest not to scream out in pain. Thankfully, Belle- despite appearances- was quick and dirty about it, and before she knew it, Emma was holding two halves of her own heart in each hand. 

Neal would always know when Emma was sad, or frightened. He would be able to tell immediately if she was in danger, or if she was happy or angry or sad. 

And he would know that she loves him, even before she says it, or was ready to admit it. And she would know he loves her too, before he even says it. Was she ready for this? Emma’s life had been built around the walls around her heart, and this meant unlocking the door forever. Was she ready for Neal, or anyone, to be this close to her? 

Emma already knew the answer as she put one half of her heart back where it belonged, and the other back into her own chest. 

At first nothing happened but the anxious breathing of Emma and Belle as they watched Neal’s frozen form for any sign of life. Emma had no idea how long something like this would take, and with each passing second the fear that it had failed increased, and that she would drop dead any second. 

A minute passed and still nothing, so Emma tentatively stepped forward and picked up Neal’s hand again. It was warm. She traced her fingers down his palm to his wrist, and held them steady as she waited. 

Sobs caught in her throat before exploding out of her like a bomb. All the grief and the sorrow and worry she had bottled up since Neal’s heart stopped beating came rushing out of her. Every emotion she had held onto and ignored in turn for hope of saving her first love set every nerve in her body on fire.  
Finally, she was able to choke out to a startled and confused Belle. 

“H-he has a pulse....there’s a pulse!” Emma cried and kissed Neal’s soft and warm hand, his alive hand. She placed her other hand onto his pale cheek that was starting to fill with colour, and was as warm as his hand. Belle ran out of the room behind Emma, already dialling Gold Emma assumed. All she could think was it had worked. Neal was alive. 

He was alive. 

 

Whale had been in the room 5 minutes after to take Neal’s vitals, and confirm he was in fact no longer dead or preserved by a spell. A nurse hooked up a heart monitor to him, and Emma finally lifted her fingers from Neal’s wrist when she could use the EKG screen as a constant reminder his heart-her heart-was beating.   
Gold arrived about 10 minutes after, followed closely by Belle, Mary-Margaret, David and Henry. Whale maintained only one visitor was allowed in Neal’s room for now, and Emma was surprised but grateful that Gold agreed to wait in the area across the hall with the others. She wasn’t ready to leave or take her eyes off Neal yet. Not until he opened his eyes.

It took him about an hour to open his eyes, but eventually he did. Emma had been resting her head on the side of his bed, when she felt a flutter rise in her chest. She hadn’t felt anything but tired and slightly hungry, when suddenly she felt something else. It was like a part of her chest had pins and needles, yet she could still feel connected to it. It took longer to recognise what the feeling was: confusion, pain, and fear. Emma realised why she felt disconnected from the new sensation, it wasn’t her feelings, it was Neal. 

Emma raised her head from the mattress, and soft, brown puppy eyes blinked to focus on her. Suddenly Emma’s relief was mixed with the disconnected wave of joy, surprise and love that filled the cavity beside her half-heart. 

“Hey.” One ragged and coarse word, and his voice sent another wave of love through her.   
Emma couldn’t believe what she was feeling. It was so intense she could barely focus, she could feel her love for him- but his for her even more all in the one place on the left side of her chest. It felt like fireworks, and it felt so right. 

“Hey.” She said back, her tears of happiness racing across her cheeks at record speed. Emma couldn’t do anything but cry and wrap her arms around him; she was just so relieved and so strained after everything that had happened. She buried her head into his chest and let it all out, and felt his arm reach out to wrap around her as well. There was still so much to sort out, still so many questions to ask and things to do. For now, this was all Emma needed: Neal’s steady breaths, his warmth, her heart beating for the both of them. 

They had time. They had all the time in the world.


End file.
